Ozymandias Creative Writing – Pugno (ALTERNATE)

By in Communication on June 19, 2014

 Et Pugno

Ozymandias: Creative Writing

 

“Nothing beside remains. Round the decay of that colossal wreck, boundless and bare, the lone and level lands stretch far away.”

 

 

Aldrich walked down with an urgent pace, his advisers barely able to keep up with him. He mounted his ebony black destrier and rode with great haste, his thoughts moving even faster than his war horse. War. It could happen at any moment he thought. He had built his kingdom from a swamp to the most formidable force. He was never a kind person but never a fool. He slowed the destrier down to a trot, they arrived at their destination: The Ramses.

The Ramses was the only barrier the Ozymandian people have against the barbarians. The people of Ozymandia said that a wall made of dragon-iron could not be built tall enough to protect anything. Aldrich the Iron-Fist did it in two summers. The wall was impenetrable with traps of fire and water cold as ice and infested with leeches. This would still not be enough.

Aldrich walked into the command room at the head of The Ramses, “All stand, Ruler of Ozymandia and King of the Seven Worlds, Aldrich Purus.” Aldrich bowed humbly as he felt no need for these extravagances. “How close is the horde?” Aldrich said in a commanding tone. “A days walk, sir.” The solider replied. “Our campaigns in the Mother-World have brought our armies number down some however we are strong but there is the matter of the people.” Viceroy said. Viceroy was Aldrich’s right hand and his most loyal adviser. His touch with the people as well as his wit and persuasiveness often lead to him getting his way, which lead to Aldrich getting his way. Viceroy was to be the next in line for the title of Ruler when Aldrich passed away because Aldrich knew his children would not be the best choice. “The army lies in your hands, sir. The Zealots have found a blacksmith in Nikea that can make swords at three times the speed our blacksmiths can. That will help us, I have also made plans with the farmers to plant some poisonous mushrooms near their camps. That will help.” Viceroy touched the table to indicate the locations of the mushrooms. Aldrich picked his models and placed them on the map to indicate a battle-plan.

Viceroy was looking at the plan, and smiling, he knew this man like his own kin, “IF we were to do that we would be completely exposed on the right flank, we cannot take this chance” Viceroy said. Aldrich laughed and said “You expect too much from these barbarians. We would only be exposed on the right if they can get over Ramses. And no one who ever tried to cross these walls have succeeded and not for lack of trying.” Aldrich said. He walked across the room then suddenly there was a banging on the door, a rapid knocking that meant nothing but emergency. Aldrich swung his head and drew the hilt of his dragon-iron dagger. The wine servant stepped to the door and opened it with haste. The commander, bruised and dirtied, announced “Their campaign is at the Ramses and it looks like they’ve got company”. Aldrich looked at the table, analysing the next move. Aldrich declared “Man the spitfire’s and arm all the Zealots. We are going to need the special abilities only they have. Ozymandia will not go out without a fight. Ramses be with you.” The commander of the footmen nodded and ran out of the room. Aldrich sat down and analysed the map, all the councilmen looked at him with glares of fear. “You may go home now, your children and wives need you to be strong. Do not tell them what happened here. Panic can only hurt us. Viceroy?” Aldrich walked to Viceroy and put his hand on his shoulder “I expect the news has reached the Farther Towns. Go to Huxliam and Orwelline, their rulers are friendly to us.” Viceroy walked out of the room. Aldrich put his hands on the table.

The barbarians were outside the walls of the Ramses. Infantry were forming phalanxes all around the Ramses, they knew the defenses on the Ramses relied on archer and a phalanx was impervious to the strikes of arrow. There was a distinctive shout and all the phalanxes broke and charged into the south part of the wall. The charge was broken by the fling of arrows as the barbarians swam the moat, the cold water effecting their movement.

Aldrich unrolled the parchment declaring the Nations of Huxliam and Orwelline swearing allegiance to Ozymandia and promising troops. Aldrich noticed Viceroy’s expression. “What’s the matter, Viceroy? This is cause for celebration.” Aldrich patted his back. “Are you sure?” Viceroy said. Aldrich smiled melted off his face when he saw Viceroy’s dagger. The last words ever uttered by Aldrich Purus were whispered: “Why?”.

2 thoughts on “Ozymandias Creative Writing – Pugno (ALTERNATE)

  1. 1

    I think you’re right. The darker tone does work through this.

    You must re-read your sentence structures in the last three paragraphs, particularly word endings and sentence beginnings.

  2. 2

    Two final pointers before I mark it:
    1) check your tenses – your second paragraph appears to be a mixture of past and present tense;
    2) double check your punctuation – is each comma correct; could it be replaced with a semi-colon?

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